I’m super pumped for Quentin Tarantino’s new film. It’s about time that The Oregon Trail got a gritty reboot.

I’m super pumped for Quentin Tarantino’s new film. It’s about time that The Oregon Trail got a gritty reboot.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 31, 2014

Virgo: your life will take a dark turn when the Sun dips below the horizon due to its roughly 24 hour rotation.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 30, 2014

Pisces: someone new is in your life, and your passion for them burns with the power of 1000 Suns. Congrats, you’ve killed them.

(And everyone else on the planet. Well done, literally.)

Astronomical Horoscope - July 29, 2014

Sagittarius: stop waiting for the world to change. Earth has been here for roughly 5 billion years, and it’s changed a lot.

(Maybe you’re the one who needs a change.)

Astronomical Horoscope - July 28, 2014

Cancer: you feel like you have a personal rain cloud today. You should probably consider taking up radio astronomy.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 25, 2014

Libra: the stars say nothing today, but their sky positions confirm that it’s Friday, July 25, 2014, so that’s good.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 24, 2014

Capricorn: you’ve been waiting for a signal to change your life, but all you hear is the persistent beep of a pulsar.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 23, 2014

Gemini: your love life is in danger when your significant other finds you spending hours alone with your telescope.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 22, 2014

Taurus: opportunities abound and you feel “the sky’s the limit”. Wrong. Beyond the sky is limitless space, so aim higher.

Astronomical Horoscope - July 21, 2014

Leo: Mars is continuing to move farther from Earth today, don’t worry, it’s not because of what you did this weekend.